My un-expert opinion on suicide and the effects of it

I am no expert and this is just thoughts and opinion based on my own experience and in speaking with several dozen individuals who have attempted or been suicidal themselves.  I hope that this helps maybe explain in some degree why and how suicide happens. 

First, I have to say that I have found through my own experience and that of many others who have lost loved ones that is can happen to ANYONE.  Suicide does not discriminate by age, race, beliefs, social status, or family dynamics.  Suicide happens to young, middle aged, old, Caucasian, African American, Hispanic, Asian, Christians, non-believers, rich, poor, middle class, whole supportive families, and broken families.  Often times those we lose to suicide are the ones who walked around with the biggest smiles, full of life, and always willing to help others.  Often times those we lose to suicide accepted Jesus into their life and love the Lord.  Often times those who lose their life to suicide are from loving and highly involved families.  Often times those who lose their life to suicide have an underlying diagnosed or undiagnosed mental illness such as depression.  This is not always the case and sometimes there are no signs or warning and it is simply an impulsive reaction to a circumstance or situation that no one could begin to expect or be prepared for. 

I have learned from many who share their stories that when a person becomes suicidal all they see is black.  All they see is the pain they are feeling in that moment.  All they feel is that pain causes those they love pain.  They cannot see the future.  They cannot see the past.  They can only see that moment.  It is almost as if something short circuits in their brain and for some it lasts a few seconds, some it lasts a few minutes or hours.  In that time of blackness they feel there is absolutely no other option to make them feel better or their families to not share in their pain, but to die.  We all know otherwise, but they do not see any other way.  And the truth is, if they are alone in those moments of blackness and pain their thoughts control their actions and they often succeed in ending their pain and life.  They did not cause the short circuit in their brain.  They did not ask for it.  Who knows what causes it….studies show diet, environmental, family history, life circumstances, maturity, and so many other things play a factor. 

What I do know is that moment of darkness does not define who they really where as a person.  It does not define the type of son, daughter, husband, wife, sister, brother, mother, father, or friend they were.  It does not take away their accomplishments or relationships they had with others.  The person they were when they were in the light of the world is who they truly are.  The person they were when they played the sport they excelled in is who they truly are.  The person they were when they played with their little sister and laughed with their friend is who they truly are.  Please don’t ever forget that.  Remember them for who they were in all the moments leading up to that darkness.  Do not remember them for those moments that were out of their control. 

I don’t know all the answers to why suicide happens and I wish with all my heart that is didn’t.  I wish I still had my son Tommy here with us and all the others who have lost their lives to suicide.  I wish that the pain, questions, regrets, and blame the family and friends are left with didn’t have to exist at all.  I work tirelessly with many others to try and make a difference, but it’s not enough. We need everyone, we need a community to take a stand and work to make a difference by fighting for resources, education, and laws that will help reduce the numbers of lives we are losing to suicide. 

Today I send my love and prayers to all the families and friends who are hurting and trying to make sense of something that just can't make sense.  My heart breaks for each of you and for my own family who still struggles over the great loss of a life gone to soon.