Spiritual Warfare in the Garden

I have a love hate relationship with my garden.  I know it seems it like an odd thing to say. Growing up my grandpa, my moms dad, had a huge garden.  I remember going there and him teaching me how to weed, pick veggies and fruit.  My grandpa had a gentle touch with the earth. 

I planted my first garden the summer of 2013 with my mom.  As my mom and I planted the garden we shared stories about my grandpa and it is a memory I will always cherish.  My mom died that winter.

The following year I planted the garden again remembering the time I had with my mom.  I felt as though when I am planting and tending to the garden it connects me to my mom and grandpa in some way.  Then late summer of 2014 I lost my son, Tommy.  My fruits of the garden went unused and untended for the remainder of the summer.  

Early summer 2015, I found the energy to plant a garden once again and early July 2015 we lost our son's best friend Keegan.  Again the garden went untended and unused.  My head began to connect planting the garden with the deaths.  Realistically there is absolutely no connection to planting the garden and people I love dying, but my brain decided to think differently.  So in 2016, I refused to plant a garden because I felt like if I did someone close to me would die.  No one died.  

So here we are in 2017 and I have been mentally and spiritually battling a fight in my head to decide whether or not to plant again this year or not.  I rationalize many different things and scenarios and decided that I was not going to allow Satan to win this fight.  I would not fear my garden or believe the lies.  I made the decision to plant my garden.  So as I began planting the spiritual warfare began. I began playing my Christian music and repeating my God is a good-good God.  As I planted I remembered the times I spent planting and picking fruits of the garden with my mom and grandpa.  I prayed and asked God to bless my garden. 

Never did I think I would be in a spiritual warfare in my garden but I was.  It reminded me how so many of us have fears that we don't even realize hold us back from doing what we are meant to do.  We often allow our fears to hold us back. 

Many of us fear we are not enough. I fear not being skinny enough...pretty enough...smart enough...my blog is not good enough. Fear is a liar! I am enough. You are enough! God has made us exactly who we are and put us exactly where we need to be. Fear steals our joy. I find joy in gardening and it brings back good memories yet somehow gardening became a fear because it was somehow connected to death.  That is most certainly not what God intended for any of us. God doesn't want our joy to be stolen. God doesn’t want us to feel in adequate or subpar, He wants us to shine bright and live extraordinary lives. 

Many fear bringing up Tommy's name because they feel it will be hurtful or cause us pain. It's actually the opposite, we want Tommy's name mentioned, his memory to live on, to know people care, and to keep the dialogue open on topics like suicide, mental illness, addiction, and any other stigmas. This fear should not hold you back from speaking his name. I tell people to act on their thoughts of the heart no matter what fears you might have. If you feel lead to talk about something, or do something for someone, then do it because if you don't you could be depriving someone else from a blessing.

I conquered my fear of planting a garden again and I pray that the garden will grow abundantly and there will be no deaths this year.  What fear do you need to conquer?