You are free

No one should have to suffer the pain and loss of a child.  I still have days where it feels so unreal that my son is gone and I will not be able to touch or hold him again.  Being a mother who has lost her child is one of the most excrutiating things for a mother to experience.  I have experienced a saddness so deep that the darkness sometimes comes close to comsuming me.  I have experienced horrible thoughts and despair BUT I have also learned the true meaning of grace, love, humility, healing and forgiveness.  I have discovered a deep passion for helping others along this journey.  I know that this journey will last a lifetime and the pain will never fully go away, but in time I will learn to be happy again.  Someday the chest crushing ache will change and I will be able to breath again.  The grief is so real and heartbreaking but slowly moment by moment the dark is turning to light.  In those moments I hear your name or a memory comes flooding back and it steals my breath away I will remember your smile and the love you shared with us.  I want my heart to shine with the light of your love for all to see.  You are gone to soon my precious boy but at least I know you are free. 

He stole my heart

There was a boy who stole my heart.  He had a smile that could push back any bad day and any heart ache.  His bright green eyes could melt anyone's heart.  He was kind. He was funny.  He was great with kids even though he tried to act like he was to tough at times.  Really he was the most gentle, sweet, kind hearted boy you could ever meet.  Each time I looked at him my heart filled with so much love and adoration.  There is no love that could ever compare.  There is no amount of trouble or struggle that would make me love him less.  This boy was my world, my reason for living when I lost everything I thought mattered.  There was absolutley nothing he could do that would seperate our love.  He broke my heart into pieces the day he left but even that couldn't make me love him less.  He is my son.  He is the boy that stole my heart so many years ago on that December evening.  I love you Tommy and there is not a day that goes by that I will not always love you and remember your smile and warm heart. 

Purpose for the Pain

The one thing that I have said and prayed for since the day I found my son after losing his life to suicide is that I want God to use this situation for something good.  I want Him to use me in any way He sees fit.  I will keep myself open and available to whatever He brings my way or whatever way He leads me.  I think because of that openness and willingness, God has used me in ways I never imagined in such a short amount of time.  It’s been 6 months! 6 months since I lost my baby boy to depression by suicide.  A half of a year without my boy, yet I find myself focusing more on the blessing of the over 19 years I had him with me.  I am so grateful that my trust and faithfulness in God is allowing God to use me to bring hope and faith to others.  I have had the privilege of working alongside some pretty amazing people in the community, that like me are advocates for mental illness and suicide awareness.  We are so incredibly fortunate to have some great resources in the Rockford area that many towns and states don’t have available.  Ray of Hope is a suicide survivor’s support group that was established over 20 years ago by two wonderful ladies that wanted to bring Hope to those who have lost a loved one to suicide.  This group has helped me tremendously by showing me that I am not alone in this battle and that there is hope in getting through this ordeal.  We are also fortunate to have Group Hope which is a support group for those suffering with mental illness.  Group Hope was established by Dr. Smith after losing his daughter to depression by suicide in 2006.  These individuals had a passion to make a difference and a desire to use their loss to establish resources and change in our community.  This is also my hope.  I don’t want my son’s story to end with his death.  I want his story, our story, to be a catalyst for change and to improve current resources as well as create new resources.  This is the reason we established our endowment fund, The Tommy Corral Memorial Foundation.  This is the reason we are holding events to raise funds to create and help support local resources for those affected by suicide or mental illness.  I will not stop fighting for change.  I will not stop fighting against the stigmas.  I will continue to spread awareness and educate people on the truths of suicide and mental illness.  I will have my son’s life and memory make a difference in our community.  Will you join me?  Will you support me?  If so, sign up now for our first annual Each Breath of Faith 5k/3k.  Thank you for your continued prayers and support!

I am a child of God

As a child of God we can never fall too far.  God’s love is always waiting for us to return.  There is hope waiting when we are ready to accept it.  Grace heals all of the bridges that are burned and relationships that are broken.  When we choose to leave yesterday and all of its troubles behind us, we can start fresh each and every day.  It’s never too late to return to God’s love and mercy.  We often feel like our life doesn’t make sense and we are constantly feeling knocked down but our God won’t let us break and He is always there to answer when we call out.  Who we are and what we go through is part of the journey but God knows everything we need as a child of God.  God’s word tells us that He will never let us go once we receive Him into our hearts and believe in His name.  Whatever our struggles are and whatever pain we feel, He will never let us go but He will remain with us always.  If we suffer in the name of God we will be glorified with Him.  God makes all things good even the deepest pain and sorrow can be used for His glory if we allow it. 

I am a child of God.

But to all who have received him--those who believe in his name--he has given the right to become God's children … (John 1:12).

As a child of God, I am a fellow heir with Christ.

And if children, then heirs (namely, heirs of God and also fellow heirs with Christ)--if indeed we suffer with him so we may also be glorified with him (Romans 8:17).