Tommy IS my son

When we speak of lost loved ones we often speak in a past tense, but I was reminded recently that it’s ok and more accurate to use present tense in most instances.  Tommy IS my son.  Tommy IS a brother.  Tommy IS a friend.  Tommy IS loved.    Speaking in past tense “indicates an action, event or condition has started and finished”.  Tommy does not finish being a son, friend, or brother because he is no longer alive.  Our love for Tommy will never be finished and will never end.  When I speak of Tommy I will speak of him in present tense.  His life should always be included.  When someone asks how many kids I have I will always respond: TWO.  I have a son in heaven and a daughter on earth.  Tommy IS my son and will NEVER be forgotten. 

Judge Less Love More

Reflecting on a conversation I had with my daughter recently this thought came to mind and it will become my personal quote “If people JUDGE LESS and LOVE MORE the church and world would be a better place”.  There is seriously so much judgment that comes out of people and churches.  I believe the example of Jesus Christ shows us to LOVE everybody right where they are at.  LOVE them through their bad decisions and life choices.  LOVE them through their mental illnesses and sicknesses.  Instead of JUDGING someone who is gay…LOVE THEM.  DO NOT JUDGE them and shut them out.  Some of the most LOVING and “Christ like” people I know are gay.  We don’t have to agree with their lifestyle to ACCEPT and LOVE them as people.  Instead of JUDGING someone who is a drug addict and homeless because of their life choices….LOVE THEM.  Addiction is a mental illness it is not a choice.  I have been told by several addicts that they loathe themselves so why can’t we show them that they are LOVED by us?  Instead of JUDGING someone who makes mistakes….LOVE THEM.  No one is perfect, we all make mistakes…but why is it so easy for us to point out the mistakes in others instead of showing them the grace of God and LOVING them through their mistakes?  I witnessed my son, Tommy, being judged when making mistakes and while struggling with his addiction and depression.  I can't help but wonder if things would have been different if less people JUDGED and more people LOVED my boy.  I know that he was blessed with many who stuck by his side and LOVED him through it all.  I witnessed many people stop talking to my son because he stopped going to church, thinking he was a “bad” kid….that didn’t make sense to me because wouldn’t that mean he needed to be LOVED even more?   There is almost always an underlying issue that someone is dealing with when they make bad choices time and time again.  It could be a mental illness.  It could be some pain they are struggling with due to abuse of some sort.  EMPATHY is a CHOICE.  When we choose to have empathy for someone who is struggling it is an act of LOVE.  It was my 16 year old daughter that shared with me how she sees this JUDGEMENT every day at her “Christian” school that reminded me that we need to JUDGE LESS and LOVE MORE in everything we do. 

The holiday numb....

I haven’t blogged over the holidays because in all honesty it took everything I had just to get through them and I felt a bit numb most of the time.  The holidays seem like a blur of going through the motions but feeling a bit fuzzy like I am living in a dream.  I think our bodies and brains tend to adjust and go numb as a way to cope with things.  I still feel like I am living in a dream or a nightmare of sorts that I am going to wake up from soon.  Most days feel like everything is normal and life is good and others days the pain and loss seems too much to bare.  I still have moments where I feel like the reality of my son being gone forever hasn’t really hit me.  Most days I think it is because he is really with us in spirit.   I feel his presense.  Then other times it hits me so hard I feel like I won’t be able to stop crying and be happy ever again.  I feel a huge void in my heart and life. 

The thing that still amazes me is when I am weak God’s spirit is strong in me and provides me peace that passes all understanding and strength that I never knew existed.  The strength I have does not come from me, it is from the Lord.  I know in my own power I could NEVER survive this, but with God all things are truly possible, even surviving the loss my precious son. 

There are days I get discouraged and feel like giving up the fight I started…the fight to break the stigma of mental illness and suicide, the fight to educate people in these areas, the fight to keep my son’s memory alive and give purpose to the pain of losing him…. BUT I refuse to give up!  Until the day I die I will speak, I will educate, and I will spread the love and hope of God to others.  I pray daily that God use me.  I pray daily that God bring opportunities to me.  I pray daily that resources come about to let me go back to school and get my degree in Christian Counseling so someday I can use not only my personal experiences to help others but my degree as well.  I trust that God has a grand plan for me in all this pain!

Interview with Remedy Live - Trends and Teens

Please take a moment to watch this video of a very raw interview we did with Paige Clingenpeel from Remedy Live a website dedicated to fighting negativity with positive and giving teens a place to chat with others when they are struggling. The interview is about 33 minutes long.
http://trendsandteens.com/2015/01/09/trending-son-commits-suicide/