The Wedding Dance

I can only imagine what she was thinking as she danced with her son on his wedding day.  Beaming with pride she smiled up at him as the song played lyrics I was all too familiar with.  As tears fell down my cheeks and the faces around me finally registered what was happening the reality hit me like freight train.  I will never dance with my son at his wedding. I will never see him get married or grow into the man that he was meant to be. The pain tares at my heart and shreds it to pieces.  A tradition that will be played out at every wedding I will attend from now until the last day of my life will ALWAYS break my heart in two.  A moment that fills the grooms mother with so much love, pride, and happiness brings pain, tears, and sadness to those who will never have that experience.  I never fully understood the impact such a tradition would have on me now that my son is gone. This is the reality of grief and loss. So many things are hard.  So many things are painful and hit you out of nowhere. I hate suicide and what it took from me.  It's part of the grief journey.