Tired

I am feeling so tired lately.  I am physically and emotionally tired.  Every part of me is tired.  My hands, my heart, my eyes, my body, my head, and my whole being and soul are tired.  I think all the pain and heartache is wearing me down and all I can do it ask for God to take it all away.  I often want so much to just get away from it all and escape into myself, but I know that I need to be here for the plan God has for me in all of this.  It’s a constant battle to be present and stay positive.  Some days it takes everything I have to not allow myself to be consumed by the darkness and terror in my head.  It takes so much energy to keep faith and continue on when your heart in broken into pieces and your head plays your worst nightmare over and over in your head.  I act like I am tough and doing ok but I often feel like I am not strong enough to shoulder all of this pain and responsibility.  I disappoint myself because I question God sometimes.  It all seems so unfair.  I feel at times that I don’t have what it takes to survive this.  All I can do is give God everything completely because He is the only one that can give me the strength and direction that I so desperately need.  Each day I push on doing what I can because I trust God even though I have moments I question Him.  I know that He can take this pain and turn it into a purpose for my life and his kingdom.  Psalms 34:18 The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.