The Voice of Faith

I have a constant battle that goes on in my head.  I often find my mind going to places I don't want to go but then the foundation of God's word reminds me of the truth.  I know that Satin attacks the weak but even though the battle rages on in my head I will stand strong in my faith and God's promises.  I want to place blame on those who where involved that dreadful day and be angry but I am reminded that none of that will change anything, it won't bring my son back.  If I allow myself to give in to the anger and begin to place blame it will only cause more hurt and pain to those around me.  God calls us to love and forgive just as he does for us and that is the foundation I stand on.  I also have a voice that tells me that I wasn't enough and I should have done more for my son but then I am reminded that I loved my son and fought for him every single day of his life.  I was always there and never gave up no matter what the circumstances and one thing I know for certain is that when I told him I loved him he knew how deeply.  I also have voices that constantly ask why me?  It even goes as far as to say why would God think I deserve this, why didn't God do anything to stop it from happening?  But God didn't do this.  God is a God of mercy and love not of pain and suffering.  Satin attacked Tommy because he had a weak mind but Tommy's heart was pure and good.  Everyone who came in contact with Tommy loved him, even through his struggles.  The voice tells me that suicide is the un-forgivable sin and Tommy is not in heaven but I know that God sees our hearts and I saw every day that my son's heart was good.  Tommy accepted and believed that Jesus was the son of God and was baptized.  Many believers sin, but that sin does not decide whether they go to Heaven or not, God looks at our hearts and whether or not we accepted him into our hearts.  I believe Tommy is no longer suffering and is in God's loving arms.  I know I will see my son again.  I know that my God is with me and carrying me through this difficult time because I have strength that is not my own.  I am reminded of His promises with each voice I hear trying to break me down.  My faith is higher and stronger then I even knew, and no one is going to tear it down.  My heart and my life belongs to Jesus, with Him ALL things are possible, including surviving the loss of someone who held a very special place in my heart.  My heart will never be the same, there will always be a void but with faith I will continue to live and love.