One More Time

I would do anything to tell Tommy I love him one more time and hold him tight.  Every day is a gift from God and I am so incredibly grateful for the time I had with my son.  So many cherished memories, laughs, and even trials but I wouldn’t trade any of them.  I loved my son unconditionally.  There were times we didn’t agree and my fierce love for him took over but forgiveness came easy with both of us.   He taught me as much about myself as I taught him.  I never gave up on him through all of his trials and loved him each and every day.  I hate that he gave up on himself, that his mind told him he wasn’t worth it.  I wish so badly that he would have called me that day so I could have rescued him instead of arriving after it was too late.  It's hard not to think about the what ifs and why's but I know that focusing on that will not bring him back. My heart just aches for my son and the future that will never be.  It all still seems so unreal.