Freefalling

I have been feeling like I am in a free fall of my life.  One thing after another keeps pushing, pushing me off the cliff into a free fall.  I seriously wonder sometimes how much one person can take.  I have lost 5 people I love deeply in the last 4 years.  On top of that many people I love are struggling for their lives and their minds.  The world and people in it can be so cruel, but I am so thankful for the glimpses of kindness and love I see that helps me continue on.  This kindness and love is my parachute that protects me from slamming face first into a wall.  Being held in the arms of Jesus helps calm and strengthen me for the fall.  I want to save the world.  I want to help those I love be healed of their sickness and of the darkness that consumes them, but I often feel like I can barely help myself. 

The only time I feel any type of true joy in my heart lately is when I am serving someone else or I see my daughter or granddaughter smile and laugh.  I often feel like my job, which I am extremely thankful for, is a waste of time nowadays. I don’t care so much about numbers and budgets anymore; I care about people and their health and happiness.  Of course I will always do my job to the best of my abilities and be grateful for what I have but I am different now.  I will never again be the person I was with the goals I had.  I am a different person with different priorities in my life now.  I have no idea what God has planned for me but I am sure it is more than what I am doing now.  Where I am going to land after this fall only God knows!

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

1 Timothy 6:12 “Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.”

What if I had become what people told me?

When I was a child I remember being told by my grandma that I would never amount to anything because I was just like my mother.  My mother was the black sheep, the unsuccessful, out of the ordinary one.  My mother made a lot of bad choices in her life and was an alcoholic her whole life but she loved her children the best she knew how. However, I decided at an early age that my mother’s mistakes would not define me and I would not allow anyone including my grandma to tell me who I was going to be.  As I made my own mistakes in life I was told; I would never graduate college, I would end up pregnant at 16, I would be working fast food my whole life, I was a lost cause, and so many other things. 

I have seen my wonderfully outgoing amazingly relational husband be told he;  is too different from other leaders, not organized enough, doesn’t fit in the box, not intellectual enough, doesn’t have what it takes to graduate college, and so many other negative things, but just like myself he refuses to let others define his worth and capabilities.  God has a plan for us and He is the one in control contrary to many who try to control things themselves.

Imagine what power positive encouragement and reinforcement could mean to someone who only feels this sort of negativity.  Many people who struggle with depression, other emotional and mental struggles, or a tough life in general have a hard time seeing the positive so the more encouragement and uplifting they can get the better.  We have to remember that people are not defined by their bad choices, opinions of others, or legacy.  They are defined by the blood of Jesus Christ. 

Ephesians 4:22:24  “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness”

Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

So let’s just imagine what a difference it could make in the lives of so many including ourselves if we were only positive all the time.  If we took the words of the Bible and encouraged people with them instead of allowing our own feelings, desires, and motives take control.  Is that possible for you?  For me? 

What does the Bible say about how we are to treat others positively?

Luke 6:31  And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.

John 13:34-35  A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Ephesians 4:32  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

1 Peter 4:39  Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.

I believe our words can change the lives of others.  Our words can put out the light and send someone into darkness or it can ignite a light and passion within someone.  There is far too much negativity and darkness in the world.  Don’t you agree?  So let’s be the light, let’s change the way we respond in anger or jealousy and respond with love, kindness, forgiveness, and do more through hospitality without grumbling!

Don't leave me alone

I was listening to a song on the radio and as I heard these lyrics it really got me thinking, how many times have I or others cried out these exact words:

“Don’t leave me alone, bust down the door to my heart like it’s your home. Don’t need no keys, I’m on my knees, begging you please don’t leave me alone.”

I know so many people, including myself, who feel alone at times.  Some feel alone because they don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus.  Others like myself who do know Jesus, find ourselves in a battle and distant at times. I have had people I love recently tell me that they feel like they have lost themselves.  Like they have lost control of their mind.  Depression and other mental illnesses can cause people to act and think like they never have before.  Those who struggle with depression do not want to be the way they are, but they are imprisoned by their own mind.  Someone recently explained it this way to me; “People think depression takes feelings away, and it does, but it also strengthens some other emotions to such as pride, laziness, anger, and loneliness.”  A person with depression can be in a room filled with family and friends who love them deeply, yet they feel alone and judged.  I know there have been many times in my life that I have cried out those lyrics to God and I am sure many others have too. I am grateful that God never leaves us alone even when we feel like we are.  But just like the lyrics to many other songs say, what are we going to do here on earth for those who are hurting?  What if God has us here to be an answer to that cry and we do nothing?  Are we going to be the hands and feet of Christ and show compassion and love to the hurting? Even if they are unlike us? 

It pains my heart deeply to see so many people hurting this way, people I love.  It pains my heart even more that so many people around them are so heartless or wrapped up in themselves that they don’t even care and continue to add burdens, judgment and pain to others.  If we call ourselves a Christian then why can’t we love and care for those hurting around us, in our workplace, in our homes, in our relationships?  This world has become so cruel to those who are unlike the rest.  If they don’t fit into our plan or our box then we don’t waste our time or effort on them.  Some don’t even realize that people with a mental illness in our community have to wait outside in a line for hours to hopefully get into a clinic for counseling and medication.  How demeaning is that and we wonder why more people don’t get the help they need.  What happened to the example that Jesus left us?  He healed, fed, and made friendships with those hurting souls who were outcast by the mainstream.  What is it going to take for people to have more patience, compassion, and love for others?  What is it going to take for people to step up and fight for the rights of the mentally ill?  More deaths by suicide?  I see beautiful children dying month after month to suicide because the stigma still exists and they feel they are alone and have nowhere to go.

 I would have jumped over mountains to get my son the help he need if I had known what a serious problem depression was for him, like I understand now.  What I have learned about the mental health system since is disappointing to say the least.  So much more has to be done.  So many more people need to take a stand and fight for the rights of those suffering and break the stigma so those struggling can openly ask for help and talk about their struggles without fear of judgment and condemnation.  The change starts with all of us! 

Behind the Mask

We all wear masks to a point.  We rarely show our true selves too many but only to a select few we can trust and who love and accept us for our flawed broken selves.  I watch others closely now to read them and try and determine if they are hurting deep inside but showing a smile on the outside.  I watch as some wear a mask of a caring, loving, concerned leader but behind closed doors they belittle, hurt, judge, and control others.  I watch as in front of the crowd people give heartfelt thanks and appreciation but in a circle of few they plot to hurt and ruin that same person.  I watch as we put on a smile and appear so put together when behind closed doors we are falling apart and breaking to pieces.  I watch as judgment and criticism is placed on many instead of acceptance and understanding.  It is no wonder to me why so many of us wear masks, because if we were to show our true identity….the broken, lost, hurting..insecure part of us; imagine what others could and would do with that.  The truth is some will kick us when we are down or vulnerable.  If some are willing to kick others when they are vulnerable; imagine what they could do if true openness was shown.  Here is the thing….If we are following the example of Jesus, He loved, healed, and respected the broken. He accepted and mentored those who were unlike Him.  Jesus did not condemn, judge, and criticize the broken.  It is so disheartening to me that so many people don’t accept others for who they are; for where they are at in their life.  So many people hold expectations of what another should do or act like.  I have watched as people out of selfishness ruin the life of someone else.  This is what forces us to wear masks.  Imagine what a beautiful world it could be if we were able to take off the masks and be our true selves.  If we were able to be raw, vulnerable, and real.  No longer having to wear a mask that we have it all together or that we are in control.  Imagine what it would be like if we could all be real with one another instead of being fake behind a mask.

2 Corinthians 4:2 MSG “We refuse to wear masks and play games. We don't maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes. And we don't twist God's Word to suit ourselves. Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God.”

 

We don't have "issues"....

Recently someone referred to our family's last year as dealing with "issues".  We are not dealing with issues.  We lost our son.  We lost our brother.  We lost a piece of our family.  We are grieving.  We are hurting.  We are struggling.  We are becoming a new version of us because life is never the same after a loved one dies.  We are healing and learning to adapt through the aftershock of death.

I am not sure if the reason they referred to our journey as "issues" was because they were unsure of how to address what we have been through to a crowd of people or because they were afraid to talk about it openly.  Our tendency in society is to not talk openly about the things we are not comfortable with.  For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open (Mark 4:22) The hard truth is we lost our son/brother to depression by suicide.  We never saw it coming.  We never expected or had any signs that was ever an option for our loved one.  We are not dealing with issues, we are dealing with real life, with real struggles and trials.  We are dealing with deep pain and grief.  I know it is difficult for people who haven't experienced it themselves to understand or verbalize what it is.  This is why more people should take the time to really listen to someone who is going through a difficult circumstance or loss.  Each person grieves differently depending on who it is they lost and their relationship with that person.  Grieving is an individual process, and not two people will experience it the same way.

"Sometimes allowing yourself to cry is the scariest thing you'll ever do.  And the bravest.  It takes a lot of courage to face the facts, stare loss in the face, bare your heart, and let it bleed.  But it is the only way to cleans your wounds and prepare them for healing.  God will take care of the rest."

 If you know someone who is experiencing a loss or has experienced a loss of someone close to them, take the time to understand their journey and understand their pain.  Don't refer to their pain and grief as issues but instead show compassion and understanding by carving out time to listen and support them and really understand all that they are going through.  Compassion and understanding goes a long way.  Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  (Col 3:12)

Turn your....

Every day should be should be a day of remembering….

I find it interesting that there are special days (All Saint’s Day/All Soul’s Day), recognized mostly by the Catholic religion, to pray for and recognize those who have passed away.  Although I think it is wonderful that people take the time to pray for, remember, and honor those who have died….why do we need a day on our calendar to do so?  I think for those of us who have lost loved ones, we find our own ways to do so daily.  We survivors find our own ways to preserve and honor their memory.  Some are more private while others pay a public tribute, but what matters most is that we find a way to accept their passing and carry forward the blessings they brought into our lives. 

Many people know of my public tributes to my son, Tommy, but I also have some private that I would like to share.  Every day I wear a piece of jewelry that carries my son’s ashes.  For me this is a constant reminder of his presence with me.  At random times people complement the beauty of the jewelry which causes me to stop for a moment and remember my son’s smile.  It also offers opportunities to share that this piece of jewelry is special to me because it carries a piece of my son in it.  I don’t always share that, but sometimes have been led to which has offered conversation with random people about my son’s story and our mission since losing him.  None of this do I believe is random, but instead each encounter and burden on my heart lead by God himself. 

I also have an angel statute that was gifted to us on the day of the funeral.  This angel brings me piece and comfort knowing my son is now surrounded by angels in heaven and loved more deeply then we could have ever hoped. The angel now sits on our mantel in the center of our living room and next to it sits the temporary grave plaque and a candle. From time to time I light the candle and always whisper Tommy’s name as I do so.  This is my secret tribute to him and a welcoming of his spirit into our home.  These are just a few things I do on a regular basis to remember and honor my son. 

Every person is different and each person finds their own way of paying tribute.  My daughter is very quiet about the pain of her loss but she found an outlet through her dance.  Last year after losing her brother she dedicated a solo dance to him.  The dance told the story of her pain and frustration over his drug abuse and struggles.  She danced it beautifully with such emotion that each time it brought me to tears.  Again this year she choose a song with the touching message of following someone to the ends of the earth.  The song writer was quoted as saying after hearing of a friend’s loss “afterwards I just started thinking of what it would be like to be him and have your whole life change so dramatically and not for the best in a matter of moments. Somebody that you live and grow with and are one with, just to be gone, is crazy and I figured all he ever thinks about probably is finding a way to get back to her or be with her or make sure she's alright or something like that. That was the sentiment behind that.”  Each of us finds a way to express our pain, to honor our loves ones.  What is right for one might not be right for another but we all have to find our way.