Every day should be should be a day of remembering….

I find it interesting that there are special days (All Saint’s Day/All Soul’s Day), recognized mostly by the Catholic religion, to pray for and recognize those who have passed away.  Although I think it is wonderful that people take the time to pray for, remember, and honor those who have died….why do we need a day on our calendar to do so?  I think for those of us who have lost loved ones, we find our own ways to do so daily.  We survivors find our own ways to preserve and honor their memory.  Some are more private while others pay a public tribute, but what matters most is that we find a way to accept their passing and carry forward the blessings they brought into our lives. 

Many people know of my public tributes to my son, Tommy, but I also have some private that I would like to share.  Every day I wear a piece of jewelry that carries my son’s ashes.  For me this is a constant reminder of his presence with me.  At random times people complement the beauty of the jewelry which causes me to stop for a moment and remember my son’s smile.  It also offers opportunities to share that this piece of jewelry is special to me because it carries a piece of my son in it.  I don’t always share that, but sometimes have been led to which has offered conversation with random people about my son’s story and our mission since losing him.  None of this do I believe is random, but instead each encounter and burden on my heart lead by God himself. 

I also have an angel statute that was gifted to us on the day of the funeral.  This angel brings me piece and comfort knowing my son is now surrounded by angels in heaven and loved more deeply then we could have ever hoped. The angel now sits on our mantel in the center of our living room and next to it sits the temporary grave plaque and a candle. From time to time I light the candle and always whisper Tommy’s name as I do so.  This is my secret tribute to him and a welcoming of his spirit into our home.  These are just a few things I do on a regular basis to remember and honor my son. 

Every person is different and each person finds their own way of paying tribute.  My daughter is very quiet about the pain of her loss but she found an outlet through her dance.  Last year after losing her brother she dedicated a solo dance to him.  The dance told the story of her pain and frustration over his drug abuse and struggles.  She danced it beautifully with such emotion that each time it brought me to tears.  Again this year she choose a song with the touching message of following someone to the ends of the earth.  The song writer was quoted as saying after hearing of a friend’s loss “afterwards I just started thinking of what it would be like to be him and have your whole life change so dramatically and not for the best in a matter of moments. Somebody that you live and grow with and are one with, just to be gone, is crazy and I figured all he ever thinks about probably is finding a way to get back to her or be with her or make sure she's alright or something like that. That was the sentiment behind that.”  Each of us finds a way to express our pain, to honor our loves ones.  What is right for one might not be right for another but we all have to find our way.