Freefalling

I have been feeling like I am in a free fall of my life.  One thing after another keeps pushing, pushing me off the cliff into a free fall.  I seriously wonder sometimes how much one person can take.  I have lost 5 people I love deeply in the last 4 years.  On top of that many people I love are struggling for their lives and their minds.  The world and people in it can be so cruel, but I am so thankful for the glimpses of kindness and love I see that helps me continue on.  This kindness and love is my parachute that protects me from slamming face first into a wall.  Being held in the arms of Jesus helps calm and strengthen me for the fall.  I want to save the world.  I want to help those I love be healed of their sickness and of the darkness that consumes them, but I often feel like I can barely help myself. 

The only time I feel any type of true joy in my heart lately is when I am serving someone else or I see my daughter or granddaughter smile and laugh.  I often feel like my job, which I am extremely thankful for, is a waste of time nowadays. I don’t care so much about numbers and budgets anymore; I care about people and their health and happiness.  Of course I will always do my job to the best of my abilities and be grateful for what I have but I am different now.  I will never again be the person I was with the goals I had.  I am a different person with different priorities in my life now.  I have no idea what God has planned for me but I am sure it is more than what I am doing now.  Where I am going to land after this fall only God knows!

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

1 Timothy 6:12 “Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.”