Answered Prayers

I had the privilege of attending a visitation for a friend’s dad.  I am always a bit apprehensive of funerals now because every single one of them brings back memories of Tommy’s.  It’s funny to say but I was blessed to be in attendance.  As we went through the line of family some we know well and some we barely know, we heard stories of what a great man their dad was.  One of his daughters shared how his eyes would be donated because he had perfect vision and beautiful eyes.  Another daughter mentioned how amazing it was that although his body was so weak and riddled with cancer that some part of him was well enough to help someone in need.  But the story that really gave me warm fuzzies and blessed my husband and me tremendously was the shared experience that came from one of his sons.  He said, “I have to tell you, I don’t pray much but last Thursday I prayed.  I asked God to please take the pain away from my dad and give him comfort.  I asked that when he pass he do so peacefully.  I just couldn’t stand to see him in pain anymore.  In that moment, as I prayed, a ray of sunlight came through the trees and I felt a sense of warmth.  I knew in that instance that God heard my prayer and it had been answered.  Following that prayer my dad’s restlessness ended and the following day he passed in his sleep peacefully.”  It was such a blessing to hear this story and see the excitement in his eyes over something such as this.  It showed that even in our most difficult circumstances, God hears our prayers and comforts us.  Even those of us who don’t pray regularly!  I know many people including us had been praying for his dad but God wanted to hear from him and once He did, He answered.

After the visitation, on my way back to work I called a lady whose number I received from a fellow mother who lost her child to suicide.  I have never met this woman I was calling and didn’t know her story so wasn’t sure what to expect out of the phone conversation.  All I knew was she too lost a child to suicide.  Our conversation started out with her sharing her story and then I shared mine…The blessing came when we realized through the conversation that our son’s although different in age had taken their lives on the same day (August 18) exactly three years apart.  Another coincidence, if that is what you want to call it, the Chaplain who responded the day her son shot himself was her Pastor and he was not supposed to be on shift that day but was filling in for someone else.  That same Chaplain responded to the call the day my son hung himself.  Not only did our sons take their lives on the same day but the same Chaplain responded to both calls.  How did we figure that out?  Because as I shared my story about getting the text that day and leaving work to go check on Tommy only to find him dead, she said, “on Sterling Ave, right?”.  I stopped mid-sentence and responded “yes”.  She said in a hushed voice “I saw you that day.”  Say what?  She proceeded to share with me that she was walking that day and saw me in the front of house crying.   She felt one mother’s heart to another that something terrible happened to my child and wanted to stop and offer support, but like many of us do she ignored the tug on her heart.  She saw that her Pastor was there on Chaplain duty and so later asked him about what happened.  She shared that she always wished she would have stopped that day.  She prayed for me since that day and that God answered her prayer by this very conversation because she always hoped she would come in contact with me again.  God is a God of second chances! Another answered prayer.

We know we are supposed to pray.  We read stories in the Bible all the time about prayers that were answered, but I know if you’re anything like me you often wonder why more of our prayers go unanswered then answered.  Could it be because we expect and think we know when and how God should answer, but God’s timing and plan is much different than ours?  I often think about the pain and anguish my son felt for so long.  God saw and knew.  We prayed for his safety.  We prayed for his healing.  We prayed for him to be released from the demons he faced.  One of the songs that would always bring tears to my eyes and make me think of my son each and every time I heard it was; You’ll Come by Hillsong.  I would often pray the lyrics over my son as he slept.  Chains be broken; Lives be healed; Eyes be opened; Christ is revealed; I have decided; I have resolved; To wait upon You, Lord.  I wanted so desperately for the chains that binded my son and held him hostage to be broken.  I knew that only the Lord had the power to do so.  I believe that the Lord did answer that prayer and broke those chains the day my son died.  The prayer wasn’t answered the way I wanted it to be, but it was answered.  My son was broken and suffering but also knew and accepted Christ.  I believe the Lord was there to hold my son and take him home where he no longer had to be chained down by his illness and past mistakes.  He is now free from pain, free from the chains.  His eyes opened to the Lord who welcomed him with open arms.  Christ revealed to my son His love for us by loving and forgiving Tommy for allowing his illness to react to the circumstances.  Christ knew my son’s heart and that the action of taking his life came from the illness in his head and not from his heart. 

I believe Jesus does welcome home a believer who died at their own hands.  My biblical basis? It is the hope-giving promise of Romans 8:32, that neither life nor death can separate the believer from the love of God in Christ Jesus.  How can I trust in this promise and then deny its comfort to people who grieve for brothers, sisters, fathers, and mothers who in horrible moments of despair decided to end their lives? I believe that Jesus died not only for the sins of us all but for all of our sins, including the forgotten ones, including suicide.  He hears our prayers, even the unspoken prayers, and answers them in His own way in His own time.  He is the God of second chances.