Live Unashamed

So many people I come in contact with are isolated and ashamed because of their circumstances.  Whether they are struggling with suicide loss, mental illness, addiction, bullying, or other painful circumstances they feel no one else should know about it.  They isolate themselves or their loved ones suffering in order to keep others from knowing their brokenness.  Why? Why do we feel like we can’t openly talk about our struggles?  Because of judgement?  If my child is an addict, does that make me look like a bad parent?  Because of embarrassment?  If I tell my parents the kids at school are bullying me will they call the school and embarrass me? Because of fear?  If my friends know I think about taking my life and cry all the time will they not want to be my friends anymore? 

We are not meant to live in isolation and we are not meant to live ashamed.  We are wired to be with other people. Close relationships and fellowship with one another is crucial. When we sit alone in our pain, it magnifies. Many of us build walls around ourselves to keep everyone out, so we won’t be hurt again. We isolate ourselves from people who can help.  But the walls that are built only add to the suffering. With no one to help shape our reality, no one to help us heal, or to see the pain and show us that they are loved anyway, hurt grows and healing remains intangible. Walls don’t so much prevent pain from coming in but instead keeps pain from ever leaving.

Even in the darkest room there is a crack of light that can seep through.  The cracks, our pain and hurt, are inevitable, but it is through them that growth happens, that light comes in. Pain will always be a part of life. But what we do with it, and how we respond to it, is what makes the difference. Are we focusing on the cracks, or are we focusing on the light, light that helps us to see, that allows us to grow?

When we make the decision to open ourselves up to others when we are hurting, or reach out when we encounter someone else in pain, we begin the healing process. Others help us make sense of our suffering, support us, and remind us that, broken as we are, we are still loved. It is through connecting with people, sharing our stories, that we find hope and healing.

I am not willing to let guilt or shame, associated with the stigma of suicide, stop me from speaking out and sharing with those around me.  I refuse to isolate myself from others due to fear of judgement.  If we do not talk about suicide, addiction, mental illness, or even bullying because we are ashamed, our pain or the pain of our loved one suffering will only grow, and we are essentially playing a part in it.  By living unashamed, talking about suicide and other stigmas and sharing our experience and pain, we can bring light and education to those around us. There are so many questions and things I do not understand, but I will never let my son Tommy’s suicide be for nothing and I refuse to be ashamed of any part of my son.  Please don’t isolate yourself when you or a loved one are struggling.  Please don’t be ashamed of your brokenness because we are all broken.  Allow those around you to know and help you through your struggles.