Depression Lies

It can be painful and frustrating to try to help someone who won't help themselves or won't accept help they need. Depression lies to those who are living with it. Depression tells you that you are not good enough. It tells you that you don't need medication. It tells you to isolate yourself and stay away from those who offer them help. Depression tells you that you are better off alone, that you are not worthy of any help. It tells you that you can fight this on your own, that you won't loose control again. Depression tells you that it will never get better, that you will feel this way forever.

Why do we believe this, why do we not accept help that's offered? I believe its because we don’t want people to see us in our weakest state or because we are avoiding opening ourselves up for real and meaningful conversations because it hurts. Allowing ourselves to become vulnerable is difficult. Our instinct is to shut down in order to protect ourselves. I have watched people I care for deeply exclude themselves from events to stay home by themselves.

So why it is that I am so open to accepting the love and support of others around me during the most difficult times of my life? Believe it or not, I fight the same fight daily. My instinct is to close down and curl up in my bed and steer clear from everyone and anyone, however I know in my heart and mind that is completely unhealthy for me. I often tell people if I allow myself to be consumed by the thoughts and feelings in my head that I would fall deeply into a dark hole and there may be no pulling me back out. Being surrounded by loved ones and fellow believers reminds me why life is still worth living and gives me a purpose.

People should NEVER isolate themselves from other people. How do I know this? Because I saw my son isolate himself and we all know how that turned out. It’s not only dangerous but unhealthy. How are we to help others or allow others to help us if we separate ourselves from family, friends, and those who can help us?

God did not make us to be alone. We are all part of the body of Christ and we are told to have fellowship with one another. Would Satan rather come after a group of believers having fellowship and building each other up in Christ or would he rather come after a struggling loner? When we isolate ourselves we open up the door for Satan to attack our thoughts and mind. His goal is to tear us down and make us believe we are unworthy. Unfortunately He succeeded with Tommy but I will speak up against this so it doesn't happen to someone else We need to continually surround ourselves with fellow believers who will love on us and build us up when we are struggling through life’s difficult circumstances and at our weakest. But we have to fight against the pull to isolate ourselves. We need to surround ourselves with those who will help and open ourselves up to be helped. We need to embrace those around us. Fight the lies with truth.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

Spiritual Warfare in the Garden

I have a love hate relationship with my garden.  I know it seems it like an odd thing to say. Growing up my grandpa, my moms dad, had a huge garden.  I remember going there and him teaching me how to weed, pick veggies and fruit.  My grandpa had a gentle touch with the earth. 

I planted my first garden the summer of 2013 with my mom.  As my mom and I planted the garden we shared stories about my grandpa and it is a memory I will always cherish.  My mom died that winter.

The following year I planted the garden again remembering the time I had with my mom.  I felt as though when I am planting and tending to the garden it connects me to my mom and grandpa in some way.  Then late summer of 2014 I lost my son, Tommy.  My fruits of the garden went unused and untended for the remainder of the summer.  

Early summer 2015, I found the energy to plant a garden once again and early July 2015 we lost our son's best friend Keegan.  Again the garden went untended and unused.  My head began to connect planting the garden with the deaths.  Realistically there is absolutely no connection to planting the garden and people I love dying, but my brain decided to think differently.  So in 2016, I refused to plant a garden because I felt like if I did someone close to me would die.  No one died.  

So here we are in 2017 and I have been mentally and spiritually battling a fight in my head to decide whether or not to plant again this year or not.  I rationalize many different things and scenarios and decided that I was not going to allow Satan to win this fight.  I would not fear my garden or believe the lies.  I made the decision to plant my garden.  So as I began planting the spiritual warfare began. I began playing my Christian music and repeating my God is a good-good God.  As I planted I remembered the times I spent planting and picking fruits of the garden with my mom and grandpa.  I prayed and asked God to bless my garden. 

Never did I think I would be in a spiritual warfare in my garden but I was.  It reminded me how so many of us have fears that we don't even realize hold us back from doing what we are meant to do.  We often allow our fears to hold us back. 

Many of us fear we are not enough. I fear not being skinny enough...pretty enough...smart enough...my blog is not good enough. Fear is a liar! I am enough. You are enough! God has made us exactly who we are and put us exactly where we need to be. Fear steals our joy. I find joy in gardening and it brings back good memories yet somehow gardening became a fear because it was somehow connected to death.  That is most certainly not what God intended for any of us. God doesn't want our joy to be stolen. God doesn’t want us to feel in adequate or subpar, He wants us to shine bright and live extraordinary lives. 

Many fear bringing up Tommy's name because they feel it will be hurtful or cause us pain. It's actually the opposite, we want Tommy's name mentioned, his memory to live on, to know people care, and to keep the dialogue open on topics like suicide, mental illness, addiction, and any other stigmas. This fear should not hold you back from speaking his name. I tell people to act on their thoughts of the heart no matter what fears you might have. If you feel lead to talk about something, or do something for someone, then do it because if you don't you could be depriving someone else from a blessing.

I conquered my fear of planting a garden again and I pray that the garden will grow abundantly and there will be no deaths this year.  What fear do you need to conquer?