Does fear often control your decisions? Have you ever
allowed fear to stop you from pursuing something you desire or something you
feel called to do?
Fear is something I constantly battle against in my own
mind.
I’ve learned to use my fear as a catapult to take action. If I’m not afraid, then I am probably not
growing.
In the first days after losing my son I literally had to
remind myself to breath. I felt
controlled and suffocated by the fear that consumed me. If my beautiful son could take his life by
suicide then anyone could. If his
depression was so deep that I couldn’t see the serious signs, then who else
could I be failing?
Instead of allowing the fear to control me, to paralyze me,
I used its energy to take action and make a difference.
In the past fear would have stopped me from even attempting
to declare publicly that I was taking on something that scared me to death.
Talking about my personal story of great loss, pain, and uninformed
decisions puts me in a very vulnerable spot.
Helping others by creating support groups puts me on an emotional spot. But all of that is not worse than sitting
back and doing nothing out of fear.
The amazing thing is that this shift in feeling, this shift
in thinking, isn’t really about confidence in my ability to survive anything.
It isn’t really about trying to tell myself never to be afraid. It isn’t really
about always staying calm and peaceful.
Sometimes, fear is actually healthy. It’s about taking the
fear and turning into something powerful.
It’s about not allowing fear to control me.
You see, when scary things happen and you lose people you
love unexpectedly, your mind is very good at creating all kinds of scenarios
for the worst that could happen, because the worst has happened so why wouldn’t
it again? Whenever I have been presented
with a choice or an opportunity to take action, I would tell myself, and
everyone around me, all the reasons why and how something could go wrong. But I
get nervous when I speak in public, what if I get up to speak and I start to
cry, what if I say something wrong and push somebody over the edge, what if I
don’t get the support of the community, what if we can’t raise the money needed
to accomplish our goals, what if I lose my daughter or granddaughter?
Automatically, a little voice in my head would begin to play
out horrible outcomes, really scary results, and all kinds of fear based stories.
I’d spend so much time and energy working through all that noise in my head
that, in addition to being scared, I was immobilized by the distraction of
trying to be certain I was prepared for every single one. In my mind I
automatically turned the reality of unknown results, into catastrophically real
potential for all kinds of failures. I
have learned that focusing all my energy on playing out all the scary outcomes
actually manifests those scary outcomes! What you think about becomes your
reality.
I have come to realize that I need to ask myself an
important question when paralyzed by fear; “What if you do nothing? What if your action helps to save a life? What
if you are the answer to the problem?”
Using these powerful questions not only sheds some light on
whether or not my fears are reality but also helps put in perspective that fact
that doing nothing can cause more harm than good.
The reality is I was allowing my fear to stop me from moving
forward. My fears gave me an excuse to hide. I have finally gotten to a place
where I can allow my fear to work for me, instead of against me, and use that
energy to create a deliberate process for action.
Staying stuck, paralyzed by fear, is no longer an option for
me.
I am choosing to transform my fear, to become energized by
the possibility of great things to come.
I am choosing to
transform my fear into action.
