After losing yet another son (not biological but definitely by
choice) Keegan on 7-7-15, I have been struggling through yet another grief
process. Keegan was my son's best friend and him and his family have been our families greatest support since losing our son Tommy last August. Losing one young son to suicide
is terribly difficult but losing another in a tragic car accident less than a
year later is unimaginable. But there is
hope and healing through the grief process.
I feel some people think that grief is a choice but
it is not, it’s a process. It's a process that we don't want to go through and wish we didn't have to. Unfortunately
not all of our circumstances in life are caused by a choice we made but instead by a blow that we have no control over. You can have great faith and a positive
attitude but it will not free you from the pain and process of grief. Not everyone responds to grief the same; some
shut down and go into self-destruct mode, some struggle with day to day
activities even though they want to continue to living a “normal” life, some
keep moving without skipping a beat (or so it seems), and some turn to their
faith and rely on prayer and relationships to get them through but everyone
grieves.
We are all individuals and our circumstances are different
so each of our grief processes will be different as well. Many times when we are in the grief process
we get hung up on the questions of why and what ifs but some things we just
have to accept because not everything can be reasoned or explained. Good things do happen to bad people just as
bad things happen to good people. I
consider myself a good person. I think I would be considered by most to
be a good friend, a good mother, and a good Christian woman but yet I have lost a
husband, my only biological son, and a boy who was very much like a son to me
all before they reached the age of 22 (far too young).
None of their deaths make sense to me.
In each of their deaths I grieve differently because I have become a
different person; a better and stronger person through each of these processes. None of them have been easy. Each of them have taken a piece of my heart with them and if I could do anything to have them back I would.
The most important thing we can do through the grief process
is live. Take each day and focus on the
light in our lives and rely on Jesus Christ to give us the the strength we need and our family and friends to help us through. I know that seems
like an easy thing to do, but trust me it’s not.
When we lose someone we love deeply, the hardest thing for us to do is
to keep living the life we have been given.
It’s difficult to live and be happy because there is a tremendous sense of guilt that we are ok with out them but we are not. Those around us don’t
see that internal pain and deep despair we feel each and every day. We know that our loved ones would want us to
be happy and to live life to the fullest but actually doing so is easier said
than done. It’s okay to grieve but it's also ok to go on living without our loved ones. The
one thing we should never do is feel guilty for feeling and expressing our
pain. We grieve because we loved. Loving them in life and death is a gift.
Whatever circumstances we are facing, God is with us always
and wanting to love us through it all. He is there through every tear, every fear,
and all the pain. He will not forsake us
or abandon us through this time of grief but instead hold on to us tightly
giving us the strength we need. We
might feel as though God is far from us but he is constant and with us always.
